Sunday, April 29, 2007

where did it all go

Last week I deleted all the post of the blog, for the second time.
I started the blog last July, and deleted all the post some time in october because I was unsure about anonimity.
Last week, my boyfriend found my blog, he was using my computer and decided to go to one of the sites showing in my history.
I inmediately deleted eveything.
The last post, which he erad, actually talked about how I stop writting in my journal due to relationship issues, and how trapped I felt no having people to talk to, and not being able to journal which was very important for me.
Funny timing to have to delete the blog.

I was finding it very hard anyway. I was not blogging much.
I miss it.
I can´t get myself around commenting on other people blogs either, which I really want to do.
But it seems as if somehow I have completely closed myself any outlets.
I really can´t tell what is that is making any way of comunication so hard.
It has become utterly imposible.
The isolation is terrible. I am asfixiating myself, I don´t know why.
Is it fear? is the only explanation I can find; but then, fear of what?
Others? myself?

I feel completely trapped; locked in a prision that I have constructed and I guess that only I guard.
How come I am so uncapable of scaping?

1 Comments:

At March 08, 2008 11:08 pm, Blogger Kahless said...

I ask myself that question too at times. Isolation is hard.

The answer for me sometimes is my depression. My depression is the squashing of my feelings. Fear mostly.

Hang in there. there are people in blogland who care.

 

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