Sunday, April 29, 2007

where did it all go

Last week I deleted all the post of the blog, for the second time.
I started the blog last July, and deleted all the post some time in october because I was unsure about anonimity.
Last week, my boyfriend found my blog, he was using my computer and decided to go to one of the sites showing in my history.
I inmediately deleted eveything.
The last post, which he erad, actually talked about how I stop writting in my journal due to relationship issues, and how trapped I felt no having people to talk to, and not being able to journal which was very important for me.
Funny timing to have to delete the blog.

I was finding it very hard anyway. I was not blogging much.
I miss it.
I can´t get myself around commenting on other people blogs either, which I really want to do.
But it seems as if somehow I have completely closed myself any outlets.
I really can´t tell what is that is making any way of comunication so hard.
It has become utterly imposible.
The isolation is terrible. I am asfixiating myself, I don´t know why.
Is it fear? is the only explanation I can find; but then, fear of what?
Others? myself?

I feel completely trapped; locked in a prision that I have constructed and I guess that only I guard.
How come I am so uncapable of scaping?